Angela over at FruitfulFamily posted an entry that has had me thinking for the last week. I’m sure the post will be a seed for some other work I’ve been asked to complete. Her title was “How Will I be Remembered?” In the post, she pondered the question (she says she rambled, but I thought it was quite eloquent) of how her children would remember her as a mom. As I said before, I’ve thought a lot about the question myself. Here’s what I came up with:
I’ve been a different mom at different seasons of our child-rearing years. The first was not only our first, but the first grandchild on one side, and the first in a long time on the other. We all doted over her, and it shows. Our third child was, well, our third child: the baby books aren’t as completely filled in, there are fewer pictures at various stages of her life, and at four years old, she’s just seeing her first live Sesame Street show today with Dad. (We couldn’t wait to take the oldest to a live show, even though she cried at the size of the characters and we had to, unsuccessfully, I might add, convince her that they were only people in costumes). Now, between reassuring a teenager that she is beautiful in God’s eyes and in ours (so she doesn’t go seeking validation from some knucklehead), and helping a son walk the fine line of typical 9-year-old-boyishly annoyance without crossing over into paving his road to hell, the park trips and tea parties come fewer and farther between. I leave most of that to big brother and big sister. I have committed recently to more bike trips on these spring evenings. The weather right now begs us to be outside, which she loves, and it looks as if the Lord is giving us opportunity to minister to some other only children/lonely children.
I’ve also thought about my own mom and how I remember her. She was 44 when I came along, completely unexpected. In my 20’s and 30’s I had “head knowledge” of that, but now in my 40’s, I can truly appreciate what it must have taken to start over in diapers, sleepness nights, etc. Although we planned all of our children (with e-mails in one case to show it), I know I’d do a great Sarah impersonation if we found out a 4th child was coming. Even when we talked a while back about the possibility of adopting, we discussed a preschooler.
However they see me, I believe they’ll see me as one who loved them, and maybe too often that love took the form of making things clean and warm for them rather than the traditional children’s activities. I’ve learned that my love language is acts of service, so my cooking an enjoyable meal was, at least in my mind, the equivalent of playing with dolls and bikes (of course, they might have to be parents themselves to see that). But I want, if nothing else, to be remembered as one who loved them unconditionally and who sacrificed that they might always have–that’s the love that my Father showed me.
By the way, the oldest and I had an extended talk about her plans for her career, her life, and her dreams. As she shared what she thought might be her day-to-day lifestyle, she was trying to figure out how she could fulfill her professional dreams and homeschool her children. Yeah, that’s how I want to be remembered—as someone whose time with them bears repeating.
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Tia Linschied
Senior Editor of HSB
Wow. You and I sound a whole lot alike! All the way down to our first child being the first grandchild on one side of the family. I can relate to your stages and how being a mom now (to ages 21, 18, 10, 6) looks a whole lot different than it did 21 years ago, and even 10 years ago.
I also enjoyed your "warm" post.
Your children are adorable!
Letitia
Another good post that causes one to think. Thank you!
Congrats on being the highlighted blogger!
Janet
Way to go, Mom!
I think you've planted a seed in me to be thinking on this topic as well. It is something worthy of pondering prayerfully.
I love how you said you'd do a good Sarah impersonation if you found out another wee one was on the way!
Have a wonderful weekend,
tracy
I have known for a VERY long time that you are worthy of note! You absolutely are a Blogger of the Week every time I arrive her I leave blessed and a little more focused.
As for the mom they will remember, you nailed it! And they may not get it till they have teenaers, but they will get it! My husband is an "Acts of Service" kind of Guy as well. Boy that is tough on the "words of Affirmation" spouses!
And you are so right, no silly Hobbledehoy can determine your lovely daughter's merit or beauty.
Praying you have a blessed weekend.
Because of Jesus, Bobbie
Isn't it interesting how our parenting changes as we have more children and grow older and, hopefully, wiser!
Blessings,
Dianne
Congrats on being featured!
You have a great blog and beautiful children:)
Congratulations on being Blogger of the Week! You have a beautiful family. š
I understand the "third-child" thing… I'm the oldest of 4, and there are many more photos of me than of my sisters! But I think it's great that your older ones play with and teach the little one – those can be such great relationships, can't they?
I enjoyed my visit to your blog! Have a great week!
~Ashley
Oh that is so true! Things certainly change with the number of kids we have. I had to chuckle, I too have some of the same things — keepsake books with blank pages, etc.
One thing that that should be true in Jesus loving homes is that the first might be a bit 'messed' up, but the last will have it made b/c by then mom & dad have gotten 'it' right! We've prayed, cried, been through the fire, grown in Jesus — so therefore our parenting skills have moved closer to Jesus' ideal parenting style……we certainly see that in our family. 5 kids…..the last certianly has a better mother! š
Congrats too! You deserve to be noted!
I enjoyed your entry. That is a wonderful way to be remembered. WHat a blessing you are to your children. I am sorry I don't get over here more often.
Blessings,
Dawn
Very well said, Belinda. CONGRATULATIONS on being the featured blogger! You truly deserve it. I love reading your blogs. šEdited by shawtime on Apr. 14, 2008 at 12:48 AM
Congratulations on HSB blogger of the week! Your 3 kids in your header are adorable. I wish I could write nice, thoughtful posts like yours. I'm more of a doer and not a pondering very often.
Perhaps this summer I'll be able to "ponder" more and "rush" less.
Blessings!
I came here today because I always check out the featured blogger, but I was delightfully surprised by a wonderful blog. Thank you! I look forward to coming back often.
Betty
Belinda,
This is a good one and quite thought provoking. I had my son at the age of 39, one day shy of 40, and although I had always wanted a child, I had resigned myself to the fact that it might not happen. I had thought of other paths to motherhood–mainly adoption and foster parenting.
Sometimes, and lately quite a bit, I have become acutely aware of my tendency to not have enough patience with my son, and I am working on this by the grace of God. My son knows that I love him, but I want to model God for him in a fuller way.
Thank you for this blog entry. It encourages and inspires me to be an even better mother.
Congrats on being the Featured Member!!
Edited by Queenbrownshuga on Apr. 15, 2008 at 7:24 PM
I really enjoyed your blog. This post esp. got me thinking and this will lay on my mind all day I am sure (I hope!). Thanks for shring it! Stop by my blog sometime!
Have a great week!
SchoolinRHome